Nightly Fear

Ciel woke to soft kisses and gentle caresses.

“Mmm…nice way to wake up,” she purred. Opening her eyes, she saw JC’s dear face. There were dark circles under his eyes. “You didn’t sleep.”

“I didn’t want to close my eyes. I wanted to watch you.”

She pushed the curls from his eyes. “Next time, sleep.”

“You’re so beautiful when you sleep, so innocent…” So angelic.

“You still need sleep.”

“Ceely, make me a promise.”

“If I can.”

“No qualifiers. Make me a promise.”

She frowned at this but nodded. “All right. I promise.”

Tracing the outline of her sweet face with his fingertips, he tried to memorize each millimeter. “That no matter what happens, you’ll remember me and how much I love you.”

“Of course, I will, Joshua,” she promised easily. “I could never forget you!” Her gentle smile soothed the ache in his heart somewhat.

“Thank you, baby.” He rolled to his feet. “I’ll take a shower then fix us breakfast.”

“Ooh, a special treat!” she teased. He rarely ate the first meal of the day with her.

“And whatever you want to do today, we’ll do it.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because I love you.”

“You mean there are benefits other than making love?”

“Yep, angel girl.”

“Oh, goodie!”

JC wanted to purr in contentment when Ciel’s joined him in the kitchen, fresh from her own shower. He was at the stove making ham and egg scramble when her slender arms came around him from behind, hugging his back.

“Mmm…I love the way you smell,” she said predictably with her nose buried in the back of his tee-shirt. “If they put you in a room of men and blind-folded me, I could still find you.”

“What if they all wore Envy?”

“I’d still know you.”

“And I could find my baby powder baby in a room of overly perfumed woman.”

She slid her hands beneath his tee-shirt to rest them on his ridged stomach.

“Uh, Ciel, that’s distracting.”

“No, it’s touching you. It would be distracting if my hands were doing something.”

“You have no idea how distracting your hands on me are.”

“Oh, pooh!” Removing her hands, she went about setting the table. “Want me to make toast?”

“Please.”

It was like married, JC thought. He only hoped it could be real, that it could be forever.

After a leisurely breakfast, JC and Ciel took a walk on the rocky shore. She was agile as a little monkey as she climbed from boulder to boulder. Teasing him, she would top one rock, stick her tongue out at him, then scramble to the next, giggling all the way.

“Just wait till I get my hands on you!” JC threatened with a laugh.

Ciel grinned and called back, “Promises! Promises!”

Eventually, she did let herself be caught. At a wide, grassy ledge, he tackled her to the ground and kissed her breathless. That more than made her capture worthwhile. She lie back and watched fluffy white clouds go by. She’d comment on the various shapes until she realized her audience didn’t even seem to be listening; he was watching her. He looked sad again.

“I thought love made you happy,” Ciel said quietly.

“It does, baby.” JC leaned up on one elbow. He plucked a wildflower and stroked it down the curve of her cheek. “But when something is so good, there is the fear of losing it.”

“But love is a forever thing, right?”

“It is…”

“Then why worry about losing it?”

“I can’t explain it, Ceely.” Because you don’t know who and what you are, he thought sadly.

She gave him an adoring smile, rubbing her thumb over his lips. “Don’t worry so much, darling. With you is the only place I want to be.”

“And with me is where I want you.”

Their lips met in a lingering kiss. It was more about comfort and sharing than seduction. She buried her hands in his thick hair and nibbled at his lips. He held himself above her, took what was offered and returned the gift abundantly. When he finally raised his head, he gazed down at luminous eyes full of love and pink, kiss-swollen lips.

“Ciel, let’s go into the city and buy the rings.”

“Rings?”

“We’re engaged. I need to get you an engagement ring.”

“But I have no money to get you one.”

“Only the girl gets an engagement ring.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

“Her saying ‘yes’ to marrying the guy is supposed to be gift enough.”

“You said ‘rings’.”

“When we get married, we exchange rings. We can pick them out.”

“This just isn’t fair.” She pulled away and sat up, looking over the churning sea. “You pay for everything.”

“It isn’t a problem, Ceely.” He sat beside her, rubbing her back soothingly. “I have the money – and you’ve brought so much to my life; I could never repay you. It can’t be measured in monetary terms.” His arm went around her to bring her close. “If I had fallen in love with anyone else, she wouldn’t worry about it. I love you. I want you and need you in my life. I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

“You need me?” She peered up at him questioningly.

“Oh, yeah, like the air I breathe, baby.”

Ciel kissed his throat, nuzzling him. “You said this was my day – that we’d do what I wanted…”

“I did,” he sighed. She didn’t like shopping…

“I want to go into the city with you.” Her smile was sweet and warm.

“Ciel—“

“And maybe, I will even see if I can find something I would like to buy!” She taunted as she bounded to her feet.

“You do that!” JC laughed and rose to loop an arm about her waist as they made their way back to the lighthouse. “The world is yours for the taking.”

“The entire world?” She arched a brow at him. “You’ll do.”

“I am so yours, Ceely,” he told her honestly.

As in the nights passed, JC lie awake, waiting for Ciel’s wings to appear. He died a little each night. She lie in his arms, deep in blissful, oblivious slumber as the golden wings unfolded and fluttered, as if stretching from a day's confinement. He guarded her sleep, making certain nothing disturbed her. If she woke, he would lose her – he knew it. The diamond ring on her left hand would not keep his angel earth-bound.

But what about love? Ciel had known very little about human emotions when he had found her. What if she was simply mirroring him? She hadn’t known what love meant. She claimed to love him now, but how could he be sure?

Her wings drew his eyes once more. He wondered if they were as soft and they looked. He didn’t remember how they had felt from his childhood – that had been 21 years earlier – a lifetime ago. They were so beautiful and they seemed to glow with a Heavenly light…One touch would satisfy his curiosity. He lightly stroked his hand along the curve…

Ciel stirred and JC’s heart stopped.

“Mmm…Joshua…” she murmured in her sleep.

“It’s okay, baby.” He pressed her face against his neck. “I’m here.”

“Smell good…” she sighed and remained deep in slumber.

JC slowly expelled the breath he’d held. Experiencing the downy perfection of her wings was not worth the risks! Granted, he’d felt the magic in that brief touch – it certainly was not worth losing Ciel!

“Please, don’t take her from me,” he whispered to Heaven.