Heaven and Hell

He didn’t want to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes, he’d have to face the truth. With his eyes closed he could pretend she was still there. He could smell her scent on his pillow – baby powder and wildflowers. The soft purring warm at his side was her cat, not her. He could pretend…

But JC knew Ciel was gone. His only consolation was the fact she hadn’t seemed like she had wanted to leave him. His love rivaled Heaven. That was damn cold comfort now. Ciel was gone.

No one knew what to say to Ciel in her celestial home. She was not the same angel who had departed Heaven for a brief time. Having no concept of human time, it had only been a blink of an eye since she had left. The once cheerful angel full of laughter was constantly melancholy.

“Why did you do this to me, Selma?” Ciel demanded of her superior.

“You need a lesson in humanity and compassion.” Selma was clearly not used to being questioned.

“I got more than a mere lesson. I became human, fully human with a heart that aches from loss.”

“You stayed too long.”

“Nothing in me wished to return.”

“He interfered. Your wings were supposed to bring you home. He kept you sleeping when you should have awakened.

“Joshua loved me.”

“The memories will fade.”

“They will not. They are in my human heart forever.”

JC wandered the lighthouse aimlessly. Every room was haunted with the sweet ghost of Ciel. His angel girl…and she truly was his angel – a real live angel.

He now remembered her from his earliest childhood. He had been a lonely child. Ciel had told him stories to help him sleep. She had played games with him to entertain him. She had been free with praise and warm hugs. She had listened to his fears and soothed him. She had listened to his little boy dreams and encouraged him. At the time, he had never questioned her presence.

Then she had gone from his life. He had gone to live with the Chasezes. Roy and Karen had chased away the fear. His new sister and brother had chased away the loneliness. Being content and happy, Ciel faded from his memory.

Ciel would not fade this time. The very human angel had once again calmed his fears and encouraged his dreams. She had taken him into her heart and loved him, loved him as a woman loves a man, fully and passionately.

“I miss you, angel girl,” he whispered to the night air.

“I miss you, Joshua,” Ciel whispered back from her heavenly perch.

Ciel’s dissatisfaction had been noted by the upper most echelon of angels. She even went as far as to request removal as a guardian angel.

“This is highly irregular,” the head angel looked over his reading glasses at Ciel. “I can recall no other angel making such a request. Guardian is the upper most position in angels.”

“If I cannot deal with this particular human, I wish to have no human contact at all,” Ciel told him.

“Yes, I do believe Selma made an error with you. You seem to have been highly susceptible to the human heart.”

“I suppose I was.”

“Is there anything that we might do for you, Ciel?” he asked out of compassion for her plight.

“Let me give up my wings and go to Joshua.”

“Hmm…Let me see what I can do.”

“You mean it maybe possibly?” the angel was suddenly filled with excitement and hope.

“It has been done before in very severe cases. It takes the very highest approval. It may take some time.”

‘Some time’…Ciel wondered what that meant in human time.

JC left the lighthouse at the end of his lease agreement. He didn’t need to remain. The reasons he had come were no longer valid. With Ciel’s help he had stopped drinking and regained his muse. The isolated lighthouse felt like solitary confinement without her. So, he packed up Serafina and headed to his home in Los Angeles.

A party at Lauren’s was in the offing. JC really didn‘t feel like going, but he hoped the noise of the crowd would ease his loneliness.

“Where is Ciel?” Lauren asked.

“She-she went home.” JC could hardly say she returned to Heaven. The sadness in his voice could not be missed.

“Oh…You two seemed crazy about each other.”

“We were. She just…had to go.”

“Well, at least, she has Serafina for company.”

“No…the cat stayed with me.”

“How dreadful for you—“

“No, she’s actually a comfort. We both miss Ciel.”

Lauren gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m sure Ciel will be back for both of you.”

“I hope to God you’re right.”

The party proved to be a bad idea. He felt even more alone in the crush.

“So, you’re up and quitting your job, because Jen got an offer?” a blonde man asked his friend incredulously.

“I have a job. Jen has a career. This is the opportunity of a lifetime for her,” the friend answered.

“But still…you’re the man…”

The friend smiled. “You’ve never been in a commited relationship. When you love someone, you’ll go where she is just to be with her.”

That was it! JC decided. If Ciel couldn’t be with him, then he’d go to Heaven to be with her!

JC made his plans. His lawyer was glad he finally ready to discuss his will. He had been begging the singer to consider it, but at 26 JC never saw the need. He had heard about a place that took care of pets for the remainder of their lives if they were provided for. One of the stipulations was Serafina be taken to such a place and his bequest would guarantee the cat a comfortable life if no one wanted her.

The house in Orlando would go to Tyler.

The proceeds from the sale of his Los Angeles home would go to Challenge for the Children.

The remainder of his assets would be divided between his family members as he directed.

“It’s great you are finally doing this, but can I ask what made you decide?” JC’s lawyer asked.

“Dude, I’m not getting any younger,” JC told him. And not planning on getting much older. “No one likes to think about his mortality, but eventually it stares you in the face.”

“I’ll have the papers ready for you to sign tomorrow morning.”

JC nodded.

One of the questionable perks of celebrity is once can simply make a call and get any drug of choice can be delivered promtly.. JC told the guy he was having trouble sleeping. Within an hour, he had two bottles of pills to solve his sleeplessness.

Then he sat on his bed before the camcorder.

“Mom, Dad, Tyler, Heather, guys…I am doing this, because I don’t want to live without Ciel anymore. You never got to meet her…She was the sweetest little thing, caring and loving. I just can’t go on without her. She’s in Heaven, so that’s where I am going, too. Don’t hate me for this. It’s what I have to do…Love you all.”

Serafina jumped on the bed and rubbed against him.

“Sorry, girl, I can’t take you with me. Ciel would probably love to see you. You were her baby.” He cuddled the once fractious feline, rubbing his face in her soft fur. “You’ve really helped as much as you could…”

Ciel was aware something strange and different was happening within her. She couldn’t say exactly what. She was often light-headed. She felt a fullness foreign to her. She sensed as if she was sharing her entire being – like being in love but not quite. And the only one she loved with all her heart was Joshua…

JC took a shower in preparation. In Ciel’s honor, he made certain he wore her favorite cologne. He didn’t know if the fragrance could be smelled in Heaven, so just in case…He pulled on a pair of shorts. He wasn’t about to over-dress for the occasion.

“Here goes nothing,” he murmured to Serafina as she watched him down the first few pills. He had decided not to take a handful at a time, fearing he would be sick, defeating his purpose. If his stomach rebelled, he stopped and ate a few crackers until it settled. It might take a few minutes longer, but this way he was guaranteed results.

Lying back on the bed, JC stroked the cat gently. “Good-bye, furball. See you in Heaven someday.” He was already slipping away, into the arms of Morpheus, hopefully to wake in Ciel’s arms.

“When you were earth-bound, did you have a monthly menses?” the angel of health asked Ciel.

“Yes, it was messy and most inconvenient,” Ciel answered.

“And you were intimate with the human male?”

Slowly, Ciel nodded.

“In your corporeal state, you became completely human.”

Ciel wasn’t following.

“Whatever a female human could do, you could do. Including conceiving a child.”

“I’m…” Dare she hope?

“You are with child.”

“Joshua’s baby?” Ciel demanded incredulously. Surely she couldn’t remain in Heaven when she was pregnant with a human child!

“This is highly irregular—“

“Ciel! Come quickly!” Another guardian interrupted. “Your human is dying!”

“No!”

“Joshua!” Ciel cried as she knelt on the bed. “Joshua!”

JC opened his heavy eyelids and smiled sleepily. The sight of her large, golden wings comforted him. “Ciel…I’m with you…Am I in Heaven?”

“No.” With some difficulty, she pulled him to his knees. “You sweet fool, that is not how it works.”

“S’not?” He drooped in her arms, his head on her shoulder.

“Joshua!” She slapped his face lightly. “Stay with me.”

He gave her a dopey grin. “I’m with you, angel girl.”

“Listen to me. Angels and human souls never meet—“

“I wore Envy so you could smell me.”

She had to smile at that. “Please, Joshua, wake up.”

JC shook his head stubbornly. “You’ll leave.”

“I’ll have to leave if you don’t.” Struggling, the small angel pulled the man to his feet. With his arm around her shoulder and her arm about his waist, she braced him upright as best she could. “Walk,” she commanded.

“Ceely, tired,” he complained.

“Too bad. Walk.”

Stumbling and tripping, they only made it as far as the middle of the floor before JC collapsed.

“No! Joshua!” Ciel cried.

“Sorry, angel girl…” he muttered as his eyes drifted shut.

“Joshua!” She shook him and slapped his face. No response.

Ciel raised her eyes Heavenward. “Please, take my wings, take my very existence, but do not let him die,” she begged.

A warm golden glow enveloped them. A kind, disembodied voice said, “This one has run out of chances, Ciel.”

“Please, he only did this terrible thing, because he thought he could be with me.”

“If you become human, you will know pain and loss. You will die.”

“If I become human, I will know love and the goodness of others.”

“Are you certain? It cannot be undone.”

“I want to remain here with Joshua.” Ciel’s voice was so firm and unwavering; her decision could not be misunderstood.

“Very well.”

His mouth felt dry as dust and his head hurt like hell. Those were JC’s first thoughts when he woke in the middle of the floor. Damn! He hadn’t died after all. He vaguely remembered Ciel…

“Ciel!” he cried joyously when he saw her lying a few feet away. She was as she was that first morning; she appeared as if she merely slept, dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt. “Ciel!” Scrambling on his hands and knees, he went to her. “Baby, wake up!”

Dark lashes fluttered open to reveal sapphire eyes full of love. “Joshua.”

“Thank you!” he called to the ceiling. “Thank you so much!”

Ciel sat up. “I have no wings.” She knew without looking the scars were gone.

“That means you’re staying, right?” he demanded anxiously.

“I believe I must be.”

“Baby…angel girl…” he sighed happily before he kissed her tenderly.