This Is Gonna Hurt
D-Day had finally come. Josh woke early just to hold Brianne while she slept. No amount of coaxing or pleading had changed her mind. She was departing Orlando at 2:45 that afternoon. He nuzzled her hair. How long would it be before he would wake up to the scent of her hair, to feel the heat and softness of her body against him? How long would he have to wait before he could make love to her again, to be inside her, listen to her whimpers of pleasure? How long would be wait to share little moments with her -- like a melody chasing around in his head or a sunset?
Brianne turned to snuggle against Josh, her head tucked beneath his chin. Somewhere in her half-sleep, she realized he was no longer sleeping and came awake. “You should be dead to the world after last night,” she muttered against his throat. After all the exercise of the previous night, she was slightly sore and still sleepy.
“I don’t want to miss a moment of our last hours together.”
“You make it sound as if I’m dying. I’m flying home.”
“Away from me, angel.”
“I told you it would have been better if I had left a week ago.”
“No, baby. We created some wonderful memories this week.”
She sighed softly, “Yes, we did.”
“And I’m praying, once you get back to Taylor Ridge, those memories won’t be enough to sustain you; that you’ll miss me so much, you’ll have to come back to me.”
Brianne let him talk. Her heart wanted her to stay. Her body definitely wanted her to stay. But her brain was in control – as it should be when such an important, life-altering decision needed to be made.
He lifted her left hand to his lips. “And I’m hoping you’ll come back and trade this ring for a wedding band.”
She lovingly stroked the side of his face. “I do love you, Joshua.”
He turned his head to kiss her palm. “Then you’ll come back to me.”
Brianne moved to her back and Josh followed by leaning up on one elbow. He tucked her hair away from her face. He wanted to look at her, touch her, memorize everything about her. She smiled up at him, stroking his hair back. Tenderness flowed between them like an unspoken vow.
“I want to stay, Josh, but I know I can’t. These two weeks have been like a fantasy. Fantasies don’t last—“
“Ours can, baby girl.”
“No, it can’t. I have to be able to love you in reality, too. Reality means me going back to my everyday life and you going back to yours. It’s easy enough to love in a fantasy. Reality is much harder. If love survives reality, then it’s genuine.”
“Make me a promise, Bree.”
“If I can.”
“If at any time you get lonely for me and decide you can’t wait another minute to be with me, you’ll call me. I’ll get you back to me as fast as I can. You’ll always know how to get in touch with me. I’ll be here for you. Promise me, baby.”
“I promise.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s a little like leaving my best friend behind.”
“You’ve become that, too. My friend. My playmate. You make me laugh. You tease me. I don’t know a woman could be all that and be my lover, too.”
“And that is important, that we be friends.” Brianne urged his head down, binging his mouth a mere fraction of an inch from hers. “But it’s my lover I want now.”
“Baby, you’re probably sore—“
“A little, but not enough to keep me from making love to you.”
“You sure?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Then you’d better ride. That way you can control how hard and deep I go.”
She pushed him to his back to stretch out on top of him. Her mouth moved over his. “Okay!”
Josh gave himself up to Brianne and her magic.
He couldn’t do this, Josh thought as he waited for Brianne’s flight to be called. He couldn’t let her walk away from him. He literally felt like his chest would open up and bleed.
Brianne held tightly to Josh, almost trying to absorb him. His heart pounded beneath her ear. She hadn’t been in this much turmoil since her mother had died when she was twelve – and she’d had the love of her father and brother to comfort her. Jeff was not liable to be sympathetic to this cause – and her father would lend quiet support.
“This is so hard,” she whispered into his shirtfront.
“No,” Josh muttered. “It’s impossible.”
“I’ve got to do this, baby. We have to know.”
“Angel, I want to pick you up right now and carry you off some place where no one would ever find us.”
“Okay.” She looked up, tears in her eyes. “But we aren’t talking reality again.”
“I’m not liking reality right now.” His blue eyes were shiny with tears, too. “I’d rather not be in reality if I can’t keep you with me.”
Her flight was called over the loud-speakers and they both froze.
“Reality sucks.” Josh pressed his forehead to hers. “When you get back and some kid’s given you a load of shit, remember you got a place here with me.”
“I’ll remember.”
“And I’m available to you twenty-four/seven.” That wasn’t strictly true. When he was recording or on stage, his cell would be off. “You got a cell?”
“No.”
“Damn! I should have gotten you one.”
“Josh—“
They called her flight again.
“I’ve got to go,” she whispered helplessly.
“Bree—“
She reached up for a lingering, desperate kiss. “I love you, Josh.”
When she started to pull away, he brought her back for another kiss. “I love you so much, baby. Please, come back to me.” He delivered one last plea and another kiss.
“I’ve got to go, Josh.” She kissed him again. “Love you!”
This time, he released her, watching her get smaller and smaller as she walked to the gate. Just before she turned the corner to disappear, she looked back and waved. He raised his hand to return the gesture, but she was gone.
“Love you, baby,” Josh whispered.
There was on bright spot in all of this – She hadn’t said good-bye. He hadn’t wanted to hear it.
Brianne didn’t have a cellphone – Well, she would now!
Brianne stepped of the jet. Home. That idea had always made her feel safe and warm. Josh had replaced that. He made her feel safe and warm. Feeling as if she had been through an emotional wringer, she claimed her meager luggage and headed for a pay phone to call Jeff for a ride to her house.
“Miss Collins? Miss Brianne Collins?” An older man in a dapper uniform approached her.
“Yes, I am Brianne Collins.”
“You’re just as Mr. Chasez described you. The limo is waiting.”
“Limo?” she asked.
“To take you home. Mr. Chasez arranged for me to drive you.” The man took her bag from her. “Follow me.”
A white stretch limousine waited at the curb. “Over-kill, Chasez,” she murmured in shock.
The driver opened the back door, indicating she should get in.
Seating herself in the luxurious interior, she saw the large bouquet of red roses. Lifting them, she inhaled their rich fragrance. The she noticed the card.
“Love you, angel. Call me. I’m one on speed-dial. Josh”
Call him? Speed-dial? She spied the box the roses had hidden. The box held a cellphone. She picked it up. She had used Jeff’s a couple of times. She hit a few buttons and put it to her ear.
“Bree?” came Josh’s excited voice.
“Hi.”
“How was your flight?”
“Uneventful.”
“Baby?” He realized she wasn’t talking. “What’s wrong?”
“Josh, I’m shell-shocked. This is too much. The limo. The roses. The cell.”
“I need to be connected with you, baby.”
“Josh, we need a couple of days without each other.”
“What! No, angel—“
“What we need to get back to our real lives.”
“You being gone feels real enough to me.”
“I know what you mean,” she confessed softly.
“You do?” he asked hopefully. “Just get back on that plane—“
“Josh.” The reprimand was clear in her voice.
“I know, Bree.”
“I think we need at least a week’s cooling off period.”
“A week! Baby, no!”
“Please, Josh. I need it. I have to know.”
“An entire week?”
“An entire week.”
“You really think it’s necessary?”
“Yes, I do.”
“It won’t be a minute longer,” he warned. “If I promise not to call or email you, can I get a promise from you?”
She didn’t even qualify it. “Sure, baby.”
“If, at any time during this week, you feel the need to talk to me, you won’t hesitate to call me.”
“I promise.”
“I love you, Brianne.”
“I love you, Joshua.”
“A week then. Bye.”
“Bye” Her heart sank when the connection ended. It hurt already.