About Clare

“Hi! You’ve reached CG at CTS. I am unable to take your call at this time. At the sound of the beep, leave me a detailed message and a number where I can reach you and I promise to get back to you as soon as I can.” BEEP

JC was frustrated. He kept getting Clare’s voice mail instead of her. He hadn’t seen her since they had returned from Miami – that had been two weeks earlier. They had never been apart this much since they had become lovers! If she had to leave town, she usually told him. Had she decided they had gotten too close and was trying to distance herself? Damn! He’d believed they’d made headway.

“Clare, it’s JC. Honey, why won’t you take my calls? What did I do that was so terrible? Call me soon. Bye.”

Clare drug herself into her house wearily. Damn secretive government contract! She was not going to re-up when this round was over. All the cloak and dagger crap like taking her away in the middle of the night, then taking away her cellphone and laptop was just too bothersome. Okay, so it was her patriotic duty…She had been fixing computer bugs and hacking for top-secret agencies since before she had graduated college. She was though with it. It wasn’t as if they paid her what she was worth…

She looked at her answering machine and saw a multitude of messages. Mary, her booking assistant, and JC, if she had to guess. Maybe Mike or Kyle. Her cellphone had suffered the same fate. Voice mail was full. She listened to all the calls. Nothing urgent from Mary. She was used to Clare’s vanishing act and knew how to handle things. Poor JC…she had wanted to call but hadn’t been allowed. He was thinking she was avoiding him. What she wouldn’t give for a little of his tender care at that very moment…

“JC.”

“You didn’t do anything, baby.”

“Clare!” He let out a whoosh of relief.

“I can’t explain it right now, but there were reasons I couldn’t call you – and it had nothing to do with you.”

“You okay, honey? You sound whipped.”

“I am whipped. I just got in. I’m gonna sleep a couple of days, but I wanted to let you know I’m all right and you hadn’t done anything wrong.”

“You were gone again?”

“Yep. Never even got to unpack.”

“Well, thanks for calling. You go to bed and I’ll see you when you’ve rested.”

“You take care, JC. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye, babe.”

Clare rolled over and looked at the clock. Ten-o-nine. She wondered vaguely which day. It was dark out which meant it was night. Her stomach rumbled mightily. How many meals had she missed? Was anything in her fridge even edible? Climbing out of bed, she padded over to the loft stairs. She frowned…lights were on below. She hadn’t remembered leaving them on. A quick peek over the railing revealed she had a visitor – a visitor with grocery bags. A visitor with gorgeous blue eyes and a body made for sin. “What are you doing here?” she asked the man cleaning the spoiled food from her refrigerator. “It’s a little early for you.”

JC looked up to see Clare on the landing, dressed in her soft cotton gown. She still looked exhausted. “I cut it short tonight. I thought I’d make sure you had something to eat when you woke up.”

“You’re a prince, Chasez.” She walked down the steps and into the narrow galley kitchen. She spotted a bakery bag. “Ooh, fresh blueberry bagels! You’re a king!” She grabbed and bagel and nibbled.

“Clare, you go back to bed.”

“I was hungry.”

He bussed her forehead. “Okay, eat then go back to bed.”

“Okay.” Clare went to the sofa, chewing on her bagel.

JC finished putting the groceries away and joined her on the sofa. His chest had a warm feeling when Clare placed her head in his lap. He stroked her hair tenderly.

“This is what I wanted when I got home.” She nuzzled her face against his thigh.

“A fresh bagel?”

“No. You here, not doing anything in particular, just being here.”

“I was worried about you.”

“I’ll explain when I’m not so tired,” she promised.

“It’s okay. As long as you’re all right.”

“You’re nice.” She gave him a sleepy smile.

“So’re you.”

She offered up the two-thirds eaten bagel. “I’m done.” She was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

JC took the bagel and set it on the table. “Back to bed for you, young lady.”

“I’ll just use you as a pillow…” Clare yawned.

“Uh…no.” JC rose, then lifted Clare in his arms. Climbing the loft stairs, he put her to bed. Immediately, she curled up on her side, her face buried in the pillow. He returned downstairs to switch off the lights. He hesitated. Should he stay or should he go? Clare needed her rest, but she had said she wanted him there. He went back upstairs and undressed. Slipping into bed with her, JC found Clare immediately snuggled against him.

“Night, JC,” she sighed softly.

“Night, honey girl.”

The next time Clare woke, she immediately knew she was home. Soft cotton sheets and a firm mattress were beneath her, not army issue sheet and a cot. Her nightgown was against her skin, not a military issue teeshirt. Then there were the scents of home: the ocean and JC’s favorite cologne. His arms were around her from behind, his comforting heat surrounding her…

“Morning, honey.” Came the low rumble of JC’s morning voice.

“If this is a dream, don’t wake me,” Clare said, not opening her eyes.

“Was it that bad?”

She rolled to her back, still refusing to open her eyes. “Worse.”

“Worse?” He leaned up on one elbow, stroking her golden hair with the other hand. “Can you tell me, Clare?”

“Not most of it…and if you repeat it the CIA may be on both of our asses.”

“CIA?” His voice was laced with surprise and concern.

Clare opened her eyes to meet worried blue eyes. “I was recruited in college. I do some top-secret crap when Uncle Sam needs me. You’re looking at a world-class hacker.”

“You hack for the government?”

“Or fix bugs. They snatch me whenever they need me. Very inconveniently most of the time.”

“My poor baby,” he crooned, “Hauled all the way to D.C.” He knew she wasn’t a good air traveler.

“Umm…I wasn’t in the states this time.”

“No wonder you’re so tired. You’re jet lagged.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” she muttered.

“Well, you just lay back. I’ll get breakfast.”

“Now way, Chasez. I know your cooking skills barely include Poptarts,” she taunted as she sat up.

He took the ribbing good-naturedly. “I didn’t buy any.”

JC wondered if Clare even realized she hadn’t brought sex into their morning bedroom patter. It had been several weeks – a new record for them. She was talking to him more as a partner than a ‘just for sex’ lover. Maybe the bonds they had forged in Miami would hold.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Clare asked as they finished breakfast.

“Like what?”

She lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t know…kinda dreamy and faraway.”

“I’m right here, Clare,” JC assured her.

“Good. This is where I need you.”

That little sentence was surprisingly telling. Since when did Clare need him?

“I’m going to call Mary and let her know I’m back, then I am going to take a long hot soak in the tub.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Clare rose to put her dishes in the sink only to find JC right behind her. “I’ll do the dishes. A dishwasher I can handle,” he told her. “You go make your call.”

She turned and rubbed her thumb along his kissable lower lip. “Too bad you can’t stay.”

“Just say the word, honey. I’ll cancel today.”

“Can you do that?”

“I’ll do it.”

She had no right to ask… “Stay,” she said quietly.

JC nodded and kissed her softly. “I’ll stay, Clare.”

It was nothing like he’d ever experienced with Clare. They lingered in bed, talking, holding each other. JC was certain she didn’t even realize how different it was. He didn’t want to say anything and risk her putting up ‘together for sex’ façade of hers. It wasn’t until late evening she gave him the signal that she was ready to make love – and she didn’t pull any of her ‘hurry up’ tactics. In fact, it was the opposite.

Clare lay back as they kissed lingeringly, letting him lead. Once he lifted his mouth from hers, she whispered, “Make love to me, JC. Make love to me nice and slow until I melt.”

JC was surprised, pleasantly so. He was more than happy to comply with her request. When they reached completion together and she clung sweetly to him, something deep inside him rejoiced.

Clare looked out over the sun setting over the ocean. It was glorious and breath taking as it always was. She’d never tire of nature’s paintbrush. It made her appreciation her smallness in the universe. She had missed this cooped up like a prisoner for two weeks. Strong arms came around her from behind. She had missed that too – someone who cared.

“What’re you doing out here by yourself, honey?” JC asked as he brought her back against his chest.

“Appreciating my place in the world,” she sighed happily.

“Yeah, it’s awesome this time of the night.”

She tipped her head back against his shoulder, nuzzling his neck. “Can I ask you something? And be truthful. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear.”

“All right. The whole truth and nothing but,” he promised.

“Am I the only one you’re having sex with?”

The question took JC by surprise. “I’m big into monogamy, Clare. There’s been no one but you since we met – and some time before that. I wouldn’t have the energy for someone else.” She signed and he wondered what that meant. “How about you?”

“My needs are being met and I am getting what I want. I haven’t needed anyone else either.”

That made him happier than he could acknowledge.

“Then I guess I can go on the pill and we can forego the mess of condoms – that is if we are intending to stay monogamous.”

“Until you tire of me or my dick falls off – whichever comes first,” he joked.

Clare giggled. “Why do you think I try to feed you nutritious food? Stamina.”

He laughed with her and hugged her close. They both grew serious when she turned within his arms. She rose on her toes, her arms around his neck and kissed him. It took no time at all for them to catch fire. “JC…Do you have?…”

“In my pocket.”

“Right here. Right now.”

“Clare…”

“Please.”

Reaching under her sundress, he pulled her panties down. “You ride, baby. I don’t want you getting sand into—“ He broke off on a groan as she unfastened his pants and squeezed him. Grabbing the protection from his pocket, he let her do the honors. “Some one could see us,” he reminded her.

“They’ll only see shadows.”

“All aboard.” He lifted her. She put her legs around him as she guided him into her heat. Bracing his feet apart, he carefully balanced while she moved on him. “Honey, you feel so good…”

“I thought you’d put me in the sand,” she murmured as her hips worked on him.

“No. Sand’s nasty…”

Clare kissed him hungrily as she brought them swiftly to the point of no return. They shuddered and quaked, crying out softly in completion. He didn’t release her immediately, nuzzling her and soothing her as he held her. She wiggled to get down. He put her feet on the sand slowly, not letting go until she was steady.

She beamed up at him. “Monogamy kicks ass!”

JC chuckled. “It sure does!”

Once snuggled into bed that night, sated and ready for sleep, JC trailed his fingers up and down Clare’s arm. The hypnotic rhythm lulling her closer to sleep.

“JC?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I know that it’s a longer drive from the studio and you have a perfectly nice house of your own…” Clare struggled. Her space had always been her own. She took great pride in her independence, coming from nothing to make her mark on the world.

“Is there more to that? ”he asked as seconds of silence ticked by.

“Yes…”

“Well?”

“I-I was going to say you could stay over as much as you wanted.” Actually, that was not what she had planned on offering.

“Okay. I’ll remember that.”

More time passed in silence.

“It was nice of you to spend the day with me,” she told him quietly.

“I enjoyed it too, honey.” He kissed the top of her silky hair.

She traced patterns on his collarbone as she tried to gather her courage.

“Clare, how often do you do this government thing?”

“Maybe a couple of times a year.”

“Never any warning?”

“None. I practically get kidnapped. Usually it is only a couple of days.”

“That hasta be hard on relationships.”

“What relationships?” She’d been very much a loner. Occasionally she got together with her college buddies, not often enough for them to miss her.

“Family?”

“I was a foster kid. The longest when I was in high school. We were never close. We exchange Christmas cards.”

“No parents anywhere?”

“Somewhere I have a sperm donor, if he’s still alive. My mother was an addict. She drifted in and out of my life until she finally died with a needle in her arm.” Her tone was flat and unemotional. “I kicked around in the foster care system. I was no longer young or cute enough to be adoptable.”

That explained her lack of commitment.

“I started college at sixteen – a nerdy whiz kid. Anne Marie sorta took me under her wing. She’s the closest thing I have to a relative. Her boyfriend Mike tried to be a big brother to me. His roommate Kyle wanted to get in my pants.” She smiled up at JC. “Would probably still like to try to—“

“Better not. Monogamy, remember?”

“I was never attracted to Kyle.”

“Speaking as a guy, that must be frustrating as hell for him.”

More silence followed. JC thought perhaps she had fallen asleep.

“You’re close to your family, aren’t you?” Clare asked out of the blue.

“Yeah, I am.”

“That must be very nice for you.”

“Yes, it is. My family is great.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“I’m sorry, Clare. I can’t imagine life without them.” He felt the wall go up that hadn’t been there all day. Damn! She pulled away and turned her back to him. “Good night, honey girl.” He reached over and stroked her hair. “Sleep tight, baby.”

“Night.” Her voice was cool and remote.

For a long time, he lay awake listening to her even breathing. Damn! They had come so far! What was it about family that turned her off?

The next morning, the old Clare was back. Emotionally distant and everything was a joke or all about sex. JC alternated between gritting his teeth and wanting to scream. Where had the soft, sweet, vulnerable girl of yesterday gone? Had she decided she had revealed too much of her past and her pain?

JC stole into Clare’s moonlit bedroom. The studio session had run longer than he’d planned. The vibes were so right; he’d worked until four. He shed his clothes as noiselessly as possible and draped them across the arm of a chair. When he reached the bed, the breath stuck in his lungs at the vision she made as she slept. Clare’s honey-colored hair spread across her pillow, silvery in the light of the moon. Her dark eyelashes were small fans against her pale cheeks. Her soft pink mouth was slightly parted. Her skin practically glowed. This…this is what the Prince had seen when he had come to rescue Sleeping Beauty, her pale perfection.

He carefully got into bed as not to wake her. Propping himself on one elbow, he merely watched her sleep. He stayed that way for a long time, captivated by her. At last, he ventured to stroke a finger down her velvety cheek. She didn’t awaken, merely sighed and smiled in her sleep.

You idiot! JC thought. You are gone, totally besotted. This was love. What he felt for this woman was no longer just friendship and lust. He found himself thinking of her at odd times during the day. The mere thought of her made him happy and content. He had to fight the urge to call her, just to hear the sound of her voice. Oh, God! He had it bad! With this realization came a dilemma. What to do? Clare hadn’t wanted a serious relationship; she wanted a lover, a hot bed buddy. How could he change the rules in the middle of the game? And if he tried, would he lose Clare altogether?

With a sigh of his own, he knew he could do nothing that night. He fitted himself against her, brushing a tender kiss on her brow.

“Mmm…JC…” she murmured in her sleep, turning into his body to be held.

“Yeah, baby girl, it’s JC. Go back to sleep.” He didn’t want her waking to see the love in his eyes.

“Not awake…” She yawned, snuggled against him and remained asleep.

What in the hell was he going to do?