Falling Apart

“Promise to think about it,” JC urged as he got ready to board the jet that would rush her from his arms. “Come with me for at least a little while.”

Sarah laughed at the eagerness in his voice. “I promise to think about it.”

“Sarah…” He nuzzled her.

“You’re impossible!”

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “I am extremely possible.”

Shaking her head, she teasingly grabbed his ears to pull his face close for a kiss.

JC wrapped his arms around her to kiss her deeply and thoroughly. “Please, Sarah.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Love you, baby.” He half-hoped she’d return his words. Instead she kissed him again. “Sarah—“

“You’ll miss your flight, Chasez.”

“See you soon, baby.” Reluctantly, he released her and started away from her. This time, when he turned, he saw her mouth “Bye, Joshua” and she remained where she was until he lost sight of her. They had come a long way.

Sarah stepped back from where she had been rooted. Leaving the area where they had said their good-byes, she had only gone ten feet or so when she was confronted with a group of four hostile teen-aged girls.

“We saw you with JC last night,” one girl stated.

“We know who you are. You’re just a tramp,” another told her.

“You’re just a convenient fuck,” the most antagonistic of them, a blonde, announced.

The fourth didn’t speak, only glared.

“Excuse me,” Sarah managed evenly. “You know very little about JC – and even less about me. Don’t be making rude assumptions.”

“Bitch!” the called at her back as she walked away.

Checking her personal email later that night, Sarah found several sweet missives. Those were from JC – when had he found the time? Then she checked her publishers email addie for her – it was over-flowing. That didn’t happen when she had a new release…Clicking on the first one she founded a coarsely worded correspondence. “Let’s see…’slut’…’whore’…’bitch’…’unworthy of a god like JC’…Bet JC doesn’t know he’s a god,” she mused.

All of the emails were basically the same tone. A very few of them said she looked like a nice person. Some had links to hate sites made just for her. “I’m finally famous with the younger crowd,” she muttered, a little unnerved by the venom being aimed in her direction.

The telephone rang as she perused the sites. “Hello,” she answered absently.

“Sarah! Thank God, you’re all right!” The voice was that of her friend and editor, Marla.

“Of course, I’m all right.”

”We’ve been getting masses of hate mail for you – even death threats.”

“Death threats?” Now, this was getting serious.

“Who is this JC?”

“My male friend.”

“God, I hope he is worth this.”

Was he? “I’m sure it will blow over.” Sarah wasn’t exactly positive as she sounded. Death threats. Someone wanted her dead because of JC!

“Some of these are pretty nasty. Have you seen the ‘Hate Sarah’ sites?”

“Looking at a few of the lovely things now.”

“I think you need to tell this JC about this. Maybe he can stop it somehow.”

How? Could she tell JC his fans had turned ugly? His career was his life! And she couldn’t be a part of anything that would interfere with the kife he loved.

“Sarah?”

“Later, okay?” Sarah hung up. What could she do?

“Hey, baby, it’s JC.”

“Oh, hi.” Between bouts of tears and anger, Sarah had lost all enthusiasm for her lover’s voice.

“Sarah, what’s wrong?” he demanded. Immediately he knew not all was well with her.

“Tired.”

“Yeah, I know. I sleep better when we’re together, too.”

“Rumor has it you never have a tough time falling asleep,” she retorted a little sharply.

“Sarah?” Something had to be wrong. This was not like his baby at all!

“I’m sorry, JC. I’m really trying to get this book finished—“

“Okay. I don’t want to interfere with your work. When you’re done, we can spend some time together.”

“JC—“

“I’ll call you in a day or two. Okay, baby?”

“JC—“

“Love you, Sarah.”

JC rang off. Something was desperately wrong. Sarah didn’t even sound like herself. She’d never sounded dull – almost lifeless. Damn! He was too far away from her.

Beep

“It’s JC, baby…Workin’ hard, huh? Hope it’s all comin’ together for you…I’ll try later…Love you…Bye.”

Beep

”Sarah, baby, call me, email me, anything…Let me know you’re all right…Something’s wrong…If you need me…” He sighed heavily. He couldn’t very well promise to rush to her side with his schedule. “Please, Sarah…”

Beep

”Sarah…Dammit, you’re scarin’ me!” he told the answering machine irritably. “If I don’t hear from you today, I’m gonna get someone to find out if you’re okay or not…You can’t just shut me out, not after all we’ve been through together…Whatever it is, baby, I’ll take care of it…I love you, Sarah…Please, baby…”

Sarah took a shaky breath as she listened. She could hear the tears and confusion in his voice. Ignoring him was not the kindest thing she could do. The kindest thing was to let him go. She wouldn’t be able to face him; JC read her too well. He’d know she was lying when she told him they were over. Oh, God! She had finally found someone she could love and trust – and she had to let him go – for his sake as much as hers!

The gods were most certainly laughing at her now! Sarah Chase had dared to fall in love – and the petty little deities were making her pay with her very heart! She was going to have to tell JC good-bye.

“JC.”

“Hello, JC.”

“Sarah! God, baby, I—“

“You needn’t go sending someone after me like a lost child,” she told him coldly.

“I just wanted to know if you were—“

“I’m fine – Except for the twenty phone messages a day. It’s really bothersome, JC.”

“Sarah?” This didn’t even sound like her!

“JC, it was really fun while it lasted—“

“Fun? While it lasted? You aren’t—“

“Telling you adios, amigo.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Yes, I am. I am declaring my life a JC free zone as of today.”

“Why?” He sounded like a bewildered little boy.

“Why? You really can get wrapped up in all that romantic bullshit, can’t you? I admit it was a real help writing this last book. I’ll send you an advanced copy.”

“I was not research.” JC told her angrily.

“You weren’t?” she asked smugly. “Would you know the difference? I told you we could be fuck buddies—“

“Sarah!” he fairly screamed to get her to stop.

“I suppose I’ll need to give you a nod in the footnotes—“

“Sarah, you can’t mean it—“

“Sarah, get off the damn phone,” a male voice demanded in the background. “If that’s your little loverboy, tell him you found a real man.”

JC was stunned. Wordlessly, he hung up.

Charlie took the receiver from Sarah’s death grip. Hearing nothing but a dial tone, he replaced it in its cradle. Gently, he put his arms around his trembling friend. He hadn’t wanted to do this, but Sarah had insisted. When Sarah’s cheek touched the fabric of his shirt, she burst into tears.

“You had your choice, Sarah. You could have told him the truth.”

“I-it’s better this way. He’d feel guilty—“

“I’d sure as hell rather feel guilty than have the heart ripped out of my chest,” he grumbled.

“He’s young. I was never right for him anyway.”

“The hell you weren’t. You two were insane for each other – and the whole damn world could see it. Even an old reprobate like me could see it.”

“I couldn’t ask him to give up his career for me.”

“Sarah, a few fans—“

“Charlie, there are more than a dozen hate sites, several with ‘wanted dead’ posters. The publisher is getting tons of hate mail. More than a few fans are disgruntled.”

“Out of how many millions? Hell, my daughter is a huge fan – and the only comment she has made was ‘hey, Dad, can I get Sarah to introduce me to JC?’. Pretty typical fan if you ask me.”

“I hadn’t bargained for this. I can’t even go to the store without getting, at the very least, stared at.”

“You got two choices, Sarah. One – go ahead and live without JC, be as lonely and bitter as you were before in your safe little world. Two – face this with JC. I’m willing to bet he’d go through hell for you.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to ask.”

“It isn’t fair to rip his heart out either. You can bet that is harder to deal with than angry fans. You were his personal life. Fans are professional.”

Sarah pulled away. “It doesn’t matter. The damage is done.”

“You could get back on that phone right now and tell him you made a stupid mistake. Tell him the truth. He’d listen.”

She shook her head. “Thanks for helping me.”

“Let’s see how thankful you are in a couple of days – when all you can think about is how much you miss him.” Charlie walked to the door. “Will you be okay?”

“Sure,” Sarah assured him.

“You don’t sound like it.”

“It may take awhile. I’ve never been I love before.”

Shaking his head, Charlie left her to her own misery.

JC stared at his cellphone for some time after he’d rung off. Sarah had just unloaded him – and already had a man in the wings? What was that about? That was not the Sarah he had left at the airport a month ago. Every day she had grown colder, more distant. Something had to have happened to make her do this – But what? Why wouldn’t she talk to him?

“Dammit, Sarah!” he muttered to the empty room. “I deserve better!”

The hate mail didn’t stop – electronic or snail. The “Hate Sarah’ sites proliferated. And she couldn’t sleep nights. Giving JC up was supposed have been the cure for these woes, was supposed to appease the cruel gods. She hadn’t seen him or touched him in seven weeks – wasn’t that enough time for normalcy to reassert itself?

“No,” the little voice in her heart mocked her. “You gave up the only sane relationship in your life – and you expect normalcy to return to your empty life?”

Empty. That’s exactly how she felt. She thought she was happy with her life before JC had brought all his warmth and caring into it. How could anyone so distant from the world be happy? How could anyone who didn’t know that sharing your body was intimacy for true lovers be happy with any other sort of physical contact? She only knew that being JC’s Sarah was being truly alive. Sarah Chase had never known life or love.

“But can it be undone?” she asked her troubled heart.

“Only a coward wouldn’t try,” it answered.