Chapter Four: Acceptance
JC made a point to visit the Castle home as often as possible. Greg was always friendly, encouraging the children to include JC in their activities – whether it was games, bike rides or swimming in the family pool. Saturdays became a staple of JC’s week. He’d visit, join whatever the children were doing, and stay for dinner. After dinner was movie night. The children bathed, got into their pajamas, then came back down to the family room to watch a movie or two-depending how long they stayed awake. Inevitably JC ended up carrying one or more children to bed.
After Digger, Scott was the next child to befriend the outsider. JC would have liked to believe it was some sort or instinctual bond, but it was more likely the fact Scott was the other boy. Krista, so like her mother, seemed to be attached at the hip to her father. It was almost as if liking JC took something away form Greg. Krista was truly her Daddy’s Princess. Little Bess was as shy as her twin was bold. She had a tendency to merely watch from the sidelines.
It took several visits before Lisa managed to unbend and treat JC with something more than polite civility. JC wouldn’t call her exactly friendly, but she was no longer hostile and stiff. She’d even manage an occasional smile in his direction.
“Another fantastic meal, Lisa,” JC told her as he assisted in cleaning the table. He had learned she had a system in doing nearly everything. If you didn’t follow the kitchen system she could end up dropping dishes. The children had shown him the way of Lisa’s kitchen. “You keep this up and I’m gonna get fat,” he said, patting his flat stomach.
“Thank you, JC,” Lisa tipped her head in Greg’s direction. “Has he gained an ounce?”
Greg chuckled. “No, he’s still a stick.”
”I thought as much.”
“Hey!” JC protested good-naturedly. “I actually have muscle.”
Lisa was well aware of JC’s deceptive strength, still she taunted him. “Stickboy.”
The two older children giggled at JC’s apparent disgruntled expression.
“JC stickboy,” Digger chortled, pointing to his pal.
JC grabbed up the boy and tickled his ribs. “Hey, no fair ganging up on me! I thought we were buddies!”
Digger squealed with laughter. “No ticko!”
“All right you clowns,” Greg broke in. “Boys, upstairs. JC, I’d appreciate you helping Digger tonight.”
“Sure, man.” JC had noticed Greg hadn’t eaten much and had been fairly quiet. The man looked tired and pale. It hurt JC to watch his friend fade with each passing day. He had learned to admire Greg Castle.
”I’ll get Bess started, Mom,” Krista offered.
“Thank you, sweetie,” Lisa said with a smile. “I’ll be up as soon as I finish here.”
After sending the children downstairs to choose a movie to watch with Greg, JC waylaid Lisa in the upstairs hall. “He’s bad today, isn’t he?” he asked quietly.
Lisa nodded, her eyes sparkling with tears. “Yes, he is. He is hardly eating. The stairs are too much…we set up a bed in the den…”
“I’m so sorry, Lisa.”
”So am I,” she whispered helplessly.
“C’mere.” He brought her into a loose embrace, trying to give what little comfort he could.
“I’m scared, JC,” she confessed, resting her head against his shoulder. “Greg is my rock, my foundation. I can’t bear the thought of losing him.”
He rubbed her back soothingly, having no words to help her. He felt her warm tears dampen his shirt. His gentleness seemed to be the permission she needed to indulge in a moment to weakness. She dealt with this daily along with her children’s fears. Lisa was stronger than she gave herself credit for.
“Mom! JC! Harry Potter!” Scott called up the stairs.
Lisa pulled away and wiped away her tears. “You go on down. I need to put a cold cloth on my face so I won’t look like I’ve been crying.”
“Honey, it’s okay to cry.”
She shook her head. “In front of you maybe. It makes Greg feel guilty and upsets the children.”
“Well, my shoulder is yours to use twenty-four/seven.”
“JC…thank you. For being here – for all of us.”
He leaned forward to kiss her cheek. “You’re welcome.”
That night, JC ended up carrying all four dozing children to bed. Tenderly, he tucked the covers around them and bussed their foreheads. Each one smiled and murmured goodnight. Something in his chest melted – and something fiercely protective and paternal grew. He’d never made a conscious decision to try to fill Greg’s shoes; it merely happened in that quiet way of love.
“Greg, is there anything you need before I split tonight?” JC asked as he leaned into the den that had become the ill man’s bedroom.
“Got time to talk?” Greg waved him into the room, indicating the chair next to the bed.
“Yeah, I got time.” Sitting down, he waited for Greg to speak.
“I take it that you’re aware I’m not doing so well,” Greg began. “Lisa probably told you about me not being able to go up stairs — Hell, she probably didn’t need to tell you…”
“Greg—”
“I hate what this is doing to her. Does she think I don’t see that she’s been crying?”
“She doesn’t want to upset you.”
“Upset me? She’s only human,” Greg stated tersely. “If she didn’t cry I’d be a helluva lot more upset.” Greg stopped to sigh, rubbing a hand over his forehead wearily. “I’m sorry, JC. I didn’t ask you in here so I could feel sorry for myself.”
“Dude, you’re entitled and then some.”
“I don’t have time for self-pity.” Sitting up straighter in bed, Greg visibly pulled himself together. “I wanted to know if you’d come to any decisions yet.”
JC cleared his throat. “Umm…actually, I have – just tonight.”
“And?”
“I’ll be the kids’ surrogate father.”
Greg relaxed a bit. “I appreciate that. And Lisa?”
“As much as you’d like it to be a package deal, it can’t. Lisa and I can be friends, but I don’t know about more. You can’t just dictate we get married and be one big happy family. It just doesn’t work that way. There are Lisa’s feelings to be considered—”
“But you wouldn’t object.”
“Truthfully? I don’t know what I feel for her or what she feels for me. Hell, we just got back on speaking terms not so long ago. And what about your parents? Won’t they want to have a say if I’d decide to legally adopt the kids?”
Greg’s features grew tight. “They haven’t had a say about one damn thing since they threw Lisa out on the street when she was pregnant with Scott,” he said harshly.
“What!” JC certainly hadn’t known of that.
“I came back from Oxford on holiday. I thought it was strange that my parents never mentioned Lisa and she never answered the phone when I called. What teenage girl doesn’t run for the phone when it rings? Lisa and I hadn’t parted on the best of terms, so I didn’t expect to hear from her directly. She can be so damn stubborn…Anyway, I got home and Lisa was nowhere to be found. I guess once she started showing with Scott, she told my parents the child wasn’t mine. They put her out with nothing but her clothes, her dog and her car. At the time, she was too young to access the trust fund her parents had left her.”
JC felt sick in the pit of his stomach. Spoiled, beautiful Lisa homeless? It didn’t bear thinking.
“She had to drop out of school just months shy of graduation. She ended up waiting tables and living out of her car. Your beach friends were about the only ones who didn’t turn their backs on her. They looked out for her as best they could I guess.” Greg stopped a moment to swallow some residual anger. “It took a couple of weeks, but I found Lisa. Six months pregnant and living out of her Volvo.”
“Fuck!” JC muttered.
”She was little more than a scarecrow. But she still held out hope you’d be back for her. The only reason she agreed to marry me was for Scott. She made me promise to release her from marriage if you returned. So you see, JC I was not the man she loved when we married. That took work and time. And I am not listed as father on Scott’s birth certificate. After all she’d gone through, Lisa fully expected you to return for both of them.”
“And I never did,” JC whispered painfully.
“No, you never did.” Lisa stood in the room’s doorway, her arms crossed in a defiant pose. “I had to let go of my foolish, girlish dreams of your triumphant return. I put my heart and soul into my marriage and let myself love Greg again.”
“I swear, Lisa, I never knew you’d tried to contact me. And Mrs. Castle would never let me talk to you,” JC told her.
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“It does matter, dammit!” JC insisted. “Nothing would kept me from coming back—”
Lisa cut him off. “We can’t change the past, it’s done.”
Agitated, JC rose from the chair. “Night, Greg. Have Lisa call me if you need anything — and I do mean anything.”
“Good night, JC,” Greg murmured.
“I’ll be right back, Greg,” Lisa said as she turned to walk JC to the front door.
“I can see myself out,” JC grumbled.
“I know you can,” Judging the distance between them, Lisa reached out to touch his arm. “JC, I meant it. It doesn’t matter now. We were kids then. We’re adults now. We were being manipulated by people we trusted. Things went beyond our control.”
“I left you pregnant, homeless and broke.”
“None of which you knew until tonight. I held on to the hurt and anger, because it was easier than believing we were both so incredibly stupid and young.”
JC thought of the virtual slave contract he and the guys signed when they’d been so hungry for a chance. They’d practically signed away their lives and souls. He had definitely been young and stupid. And convincing Lisa to have sex when he’d had no protection… that had been young, stupid, selfish and irresponsible. But here she was accepting her share of the blame. “Thank you, Lisa.” He took her hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze. “Good night.” He had the door open when her voice called him back.
”JC…can you come tomorrow? The children want to swim…”
”And Greg can’t—”
“And I make a lousy spotter.” She smiled ruefully.
“I’ll be here. I’ll call when I’m heading over.”
“Thank you. Good night.”
JC was surprised when she unerringly kissed his cheek before he left.
The next afternoon, JC played in the pool with the children. He let Scott and Krista dunk him and kept a watchful eye on the twins in their water wings. Greg had yet to make an appearance and Lisa was putting up a cheerful if rather brittle front.
“Okay, you guys, time to get out of the water for a bit so you don’t prune,” Lisa announced.
No one bothered to argue. They simply climbed out, the older two assisting the twins in removing their floatation gear. They each grabbed a towel and headed for the grassy play area off the patio.
JC was slower to climb out. With Lisa in her modest tank suit, she was still one of the sexiest women he’d ever seen. Her once girlish figure had given way to womanly curves. He sure as hell didn’t remember her breast being so full…damn! He was glad he was wearing loose trunks — and doubly glad she couldn’t see his very physical reaction to her lushness. “Umm…you and Greg have raised some fantastic kids,” he said to cover his awkwardness.
“Thank you, but I believe the credit is due more to them. They have been wonderful, especially Scott and Krista.”
“Good to know the wild Chasez gene is recessive,” he joked.
“Scott’s young yet,” she teased.
“I was already a handful at his age.”
“And here you are taking care of us. Where did that wild boy go?” Lisa reached out to find his arm, then moved so she could rest against him. It felt so good not to have to be strong if only for a brief time.
“I’m wet,” he warned.
”I don’t care,” she whispered.
JC’s arms went around her. “It’s bad today, huh?”
“Everything I say and do today seems to make him mad. I know it’s just the pain talking…”
“He doesn’t mean it, honey. He loves the hell outa you.”
“I know…I know…” She rubbed her cheek against his warm shoulder, craving some adult contact. “He yelled at Krista this morning. He’s never raised his voice to her before. Her little heart just broke. I heard her crying in her room for the longest time.”
That explained why Krista had been particularly attentive to JC that afternoon. She needed some positive strokes from the other adult male in her life.
“I must sound terrible with him being so sick…I just hope this mean stage doesn’t last too long. I want the children to have the memory of Greg as a loving father.”
“Have you considered hospice help?”
Lisa smiled up at him tearfully. “I thought that’s what you are.”
JC chuckled. “I wish I could help more—”
“You’ve done more than anyone had the right to expect.”
She needed to be kissed, he though. She needed to be a woman for a moment. Not a wife, not a mother, not a caregiver but a woman and all that entailed. It surprised JC how much he wanted to kiss her.
Almost as if she heard his thoughts, Lisa pulled away. “I need to check on Greg, then I suppose we should fire up the grill.”