Chapter Fifteen: Almost
“Now you guys settle down and go to sleep,” JC told the children as he tucked them into bed for the second time that night. They seemed so small in the big beds. “Mom and I’ll just be on the other side of the door. If you need us, just call, okay?”
Four heads nodded.
“Don’t forget to leave the bathroom light on,” Krista reminded him.
“Aye aye, princess.” JC gave her a hug and a kiss goodnight. He repeated the same with the others until each child had had their turn.
“Well, did big bad Daddy C calm the rowdies?” Lisa asked teasingly when she heard the snick of the door closing between the rooms.
JC wondered if she realized standing in front of the lamp in the relative darkness of the room made her gown translucent. He could see the shape of her legs and thighs. Just that suggestion of nakedness made him throb. Plain cotton had never looked so sexy.
Feeling his intense scrutiny Lisa frowned. “JC?” she prompted.
“I-uh-yeah. They’re all tucked in. I left the bathroom light on as per Krista’s instructions.”
She wondered why he was still just standing there, knowing he was still looking at her. “Umm…don’t you need to get some sleep?”
He really should be at the party. He’d escaped to be with her. He needed her. “In a minute.”
“Oh…” To her ears his voice sounded rough and husky. The air practically vibrated with sexual tension and she felt strangely exposed.
“Lisa…” Suddenly he was across the room in front of her. His hands were on her shoulders and he was drawing her closer.
“JC?…”
He moved very slowly, giving her a chance to protest or pull away, but trapped like a mesmerized fly in his sensual web, she did neither. His lips sipped at hers until she gave a little whimper of frustration. Settling his mouth firmly over hers, he gave her what she wanted. Lisa’s arms found their way around his neck as she moved against him with a pleasured sigh. He slid his tongue along the seam of her lips until he opened for him. Her tongue met his eagerly, met his in a primitive mating dance. “Bed,” JC growled. Fitting her against his body, he lowered them to the bed. Grasping fistfuls of fabric, he pulled her gown up until he could rest his hand on her bare bottom. He lifted her up into his body to rub his throbbing erection on her soft belly.
Lisa wanted to feel his skin beneath her hands. She shoved them beneath the hem of his tee shirt to caress his stomach and ribs.
This was beyond a simple game of tonsil hockey and gropeage, he noted. This was more like the real thing. “Lisa…Please, honey,” he whispered in her ear. “Please…Let me—“
“Mom! Bess is crying!” Krista’s call interrupted the would-be lovers. Ice water washed over them, cooling the raging fires. JC rolled to his back with a groan. Lisa scrambled off the bed as if the hounds of hell were driving her.
“One o’clock,” he muttered, knowing she needed to get her bearings. His voice was hoarse with unrequited need.
A moment later, Lisa returned with a tearful Bess. “See, sweetie? Daddy C is right here.”
JC rose to take the sobbing child. “What’s wrong with my baby doll?” he crooned softly.
“Deam you gone,” she mumbled.
“Well, I’m not, am I?” he asked cheerfully, getting a head shake from Bess. “I’m not going anywhere without my kids, understand?”
Sniffling the little girl nodded.
“Can’t be without my mini-crew.” He chucked her under the chin tenderly. “Okay?”
“Otay.”
JC returned the child to bed with another round of hugs and kisses, then returned to Lisa. He left the connecting door halfway open.
“Another form of birth control,” Lisa mused. “Kids.”
He chuckled. “Didn’t work for you at least twice,” he reminded her as his arms reclaimed her and he kissed her softly. “No nookie tonight, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, JC…”
“I’m cool with it, Lise.” He bussed her forehead tenderly. “It’s a relief to know you still want me.”
She was afraid of how much she wanted him some days. Sleeping with him made her vulnerable. “I-uh-was thinking that maybe separate beds would be better—“
“Whoa! Don’t even go there. You’re my wife and this marriage has been consummated. My bed is yours.” He wondered what changed from minutes prior to Krista calling out and now. What mental walls had she been able to put up so quickly? “You keep this up and we’ll still end up in the sheets tonight, kids or not.”
She wished not for the first time she could look into his eyes. His eyes had always been able to tell her what she needed to know. Now she could only rely on his words and her senses. How much was actually love and how much was guilt and duty – or even proximity? She seemed to fall a little more in love with him each day. How much of his devotion was for her and how much was for the children?
Sensing her frustration, he took her chin in one hand to tilt her face up. The kiss was soft, lingering and sensual. “Lisa honey, what can I do to make you sure?” he asked as his lips played along the sensitive cord of her neck.
Lisa trembled. “I-I don’t know.”
“We used to read each others’ faces. Our body language. We could communicate with a look. It’s hard for us now. I have to tell you since you can’t see it.”
Maybe he did understand…
“Bed…” JC warned before he picked her up and placed her on the bed once more. He lay beside her, holding her, soothing her. He felt whatever was bothering her tonight was not about Greg. “Wanna talk about it?”
“No…”
“Let me put it this way. We need to talk about it.”
“You’ll just placate me with words and I still won’t know.”
“Know what?”
Lisa sighed heavily but said nothing.
“Do I have to kiss it outta you?” he teased lightly.
“Please don’t.” She had tears in her eyes.
JC frowned. “We were gonna make love not fifteen minutes ago,” he reminded her. “We would have and we were getting close to the point of no return. I wanna know what happened between Krista calling and me putting Bess back to bed. I’m not asking this time,” he said sternly.
“You can’t really want me…” she whispered brokenly.
“What!” Realizing he was shouting and the door was open to the kids’ room, he lowered his voice. “Are you crazy? I sure as fuck want you! If I didn’t I wouldn’t walk around with a woody so much of the time.”
She blinked, sending tears down her cheeks. “I’m the only available female to you now. You’re too honorable and decent to cheat—“
“Well, at least you give me that much credit,” he grumbled. “I wanna know where this came from,” JC told her. This hadn’t been an issue before. Waiting until she reconciled herself to Greg’s death had been her issue, not his desire. “Lisa?” When she still said nothing, he rolled on top of her. “I’m not beyond seducing it outta you, baby – and we both know I can. So spill or be prepared to face the consequences.”
“I-I overheard some people…”
“Some people?” he coaxed.
“Girls…Fans I guess…”
“Okay…”
“They-they were commenting on the children…How good you are with them…”
“Go on.”
“They-they must have noticed I was blind. And they said…”
“Dammit, Lisa! Don’t make me pull it outta you. Just tell me.”
“That you kept me around because of the kids. That a ‘handsome hunk of man’ like you needs a ‘real’ woman.”
“Aww…Lisa honey, you are as real as a woman can be.”
“And that if I thought I had any real chance with a man like you I was delusional.” She took a shuddering breath. “And that the only reason you kept me around was because I was the ‘brood bitch’. A man like you needed a woman how could ‘appreciate’ your masculine beauty.”
JC growled. “I am not that fucking vain.” He smiled softly down at her, even if she couldn’t see it. “And what do they know? They don’t know me like you do. They don’t have a clue what I’m really about.” He rolled to bring Lisa on top. He stroked her hair, tucking it tenderly behind her ears. “They don’t know that ten years ago I fell for you like a ton of bricks – and you still take my breath away with just a smile,” he said quietly. “Lisa, don’t ever let anybody else’s words make you doubt me. Come to the source.”
She licked her suddenly dry lips. She supposed she might as well lay it all out there. “How much of it is really me and how much is it is because of the children?”
“If you mean I am confusing my love for you with my love for them, you’re just plain wrong. I love them because of you; they are part of you. I can’t separate them from my love for you, but I can separate my love for you from them. It came first.” He caressed her cheek. “If I didn’t still have feelings for you, Greg couldn’t have made me stay.”
“But Scott—“
“I didn’t know Scott. He was just a name and a picture. I could have merely provided for him anonymously. But you…I still harbored feelings for you. Nothing in the world could have made me take all of this on if you hadn’t been part of the picture – and in the beginning I stayed because the girl I had loved needed me.”
Lisa pressed her fingers against his lips to feel him whisper, “I love you,” against her flesh. Tears began anew, but these were tears of relief and joy.
He urged her head down to his chest, dropping kisses on her hair. “Good night, honey.”
“Night.”
Lisa’s contented sigh was all JC needed to assure him another hurdle had been removed from their path.
The next morning while they were getting ready to leave for the venue, JC had a question for Lisa. “Do you want me to tell everyone we’re married, honey? Would that make you feel better?” He certainly liked the idea of getting his wedding band back. He felt naked without it.
“Oh, no, JC! Don’t hurt yourself for my benefit.”
“It won’t hurt long,” he teased gently. “Really, babe, it is not a problem for me.”
“No.” She smiled a wicked, feline smile. “But I might need you to call upon you to pander to my feminine ego if I hear anymore of that crap.”
He dropped an affection kiss on the tip of her nose. “Ready, willing and able to pander – especially if it involved mouths and hands.”
“You wouldn’t really mind if people noticed us…as well…a couple?”
“No, I wouldn’t mind. What I do mind is people that hurt you.”
“I’ll be okay now,” she assured him.”
“Then let’s do this.”
It was evident which team the Castle Chasez family would be cheering for. Each child wore the red and white basketball jersey of JC’s Knights team with his or her name on it. This year JC had asked them what his jersey should say. After much debate and private meetings, it was decided ‘Daddy C’ with the number four would designate him. He was sure many wondered at the title and why his midget entourage was always with him.
Before the teams came out to warm up, JC let the four children come out on the floor to ‘practice’ and burn off energy for the long afternoon. It proved slightly embarrassing when Krista, who had obviously inherited her father’s natural athletic ability, managed to make more baskets than the two males of Chasez blood. At one point, Digger and Bess decided to run around JC’s legs, playing tag and hiding behind him. Finally he grabbed one child under each arm and spun them around as they shrieked in delight. Once he set them to their feet, they stumbled about dizzily, giggling.
JC looked to where Lisa sat in the stands directly behind the Knights’ bench. He felt sad she couldn’t see the fun the children were having. But still she looked as if she was content. Scott and Krista took turns running back and forth, keeping their mother apprised of their enjoyment and excitement. She always smiled and laughed, genuinely delighted for them. Despite all her misgivings – surely she could see including them in nearly everything he did was beneficial for them. Lisa had proved even without sight she had an uncanny intuition when it came to her children. He knew now the same intuitiveness extended to him. But could she feel the heat in his gaze and the hunger in his body?
Lisa had radar when it came to her children and now it seemed JC. She knew he was looking at her, felt the weight of his gaze. She realized he no longer saw the children as a burden. He enjoyed fatherhood. But what did the future hold for them? Raising her hand, she gave JC a little wave, hoping it was an appropriate gesture.
A reporter caught JC on the sidelines. “Okay, JC, everyone wants to know the scoop.”
“The scoop?” JC had his attention averted by Bess. The little girl was still shy of strangers. She was clutching his leg and hiding her face in the loose fabric of his basketball shorts. He reached down to rest a gentle hand on her head. “You’re cool, baby doll,” he assured her. “Umm…what scoop?” he asked the reported.
“It appears your private entourage has grown significantly. And it is rumored your life is more crowded than it used to be.” The reported looked pointedly at Bess. “Then there is that Daddy C on your back. Is there something you aren’t telling us?”
There was a whole lot he wasn’t telling – and had no plans to. “An old friend died earlier this year. I’ve become Daddy C to his kids.” There! He hadn’t lied and had actually divulged very little. “They’re great kids.”
“That is quite an adjustment for a bachelor.”
“It’s been a challenge for all of us—“
“Dad C!” Krista called as she rushed up to JC. “Digger got away from Lonnie and is hiding in the bleachers.”
JC automatically picked up Bess. He tossed a quick look at the reporter. “And Digger is the most challenging of all.”
After coming off the floor, JC took his chair and tipped his head back to rest on Lisa’s knees. He smiled up at her. “How’s it shakin’, Mama?”
Lisa laughed. “I’ve told you before, Chasez, I ain’t your mama.” She combed her fingers through his sweat-damp curls.
“Any problems, honey?”
“Other than Digger’s escapade?” She shook her head.
“Damn! I was hopin’ for some action!” He chuckled.
“Speaking of action…How’s the game going?”
He laughed. “I suck! But I made one basket at least.”
“Umm…does that mean no victory celebration?”
“Win or lose, I still have to go to the wrap party.” He sighed. “And again I’ll skip out early so I can get back to the hotel…” He dropped his voice to a low whisper. “And you.” Lisa gave him a soft smile, the kind that melted his heart, all sweetness and warmth. In the same tone, he said, “I wanna kiss you so bad…”
”What’s stopping you?”
“You’re too far away.”
She lowered her head until their noses bumped. “How’s this?”
“I can work with that.” Lifting his head from her knees, he tilted it to one side and put his mouth to hers. Their lips clung briefly. “You always taste like more.”
She rubbed his nose to hers. “You up for a game of tonsil hockey and gropeage after the game?”
JC grinned. “Oh yeah…”
“JC! Quit sucking face and get out here!” Chris called.
JC gave Lisa another quick kiss. “Later, baby!”
JC was watching the game absently. Digger was in his lap, more or less using him as a recliner. The little guy was tired and restless. He glanced back to see Bess asleep in her mother’s arms. Scott and Krista had taken empty chairs on either side of him and were beginning to droop as well. Yep. Next year sitters. Reaching beneath his chair, he grabbed a peach from the plate he had set there. He bit into it and chewed thoughtfully. If they even did this next year. Everything was so uncertain…Right now he didn’t know exactly where his career was going.
One thing he was sure of was his home life. He and Lisa were getting closer all the time. The adoption of the kids would soon make them Castle-Chasezes. If anyone would have told him even a year ago he would be a happily married man with four children before he turned thirty, he would have laughed himself silly. He hadn’t even planned on thinking of marriage until after his thirtieth birthday!
“I bite?” Digger pointed to the peach in JC’s hand.
“Sure, little dude.” JC held the fruit so the little boy could take a bite.
In unusual Digger fashion, he only nibbled. “Mommy like dem. Mommy bite?”
JC was warmed by the idea that even Digger thought of his mother’s likes and dislikes. “I’ll ask.” Tipping his head back, he said to Lisa. “Digger thinks I should share my peach with you.”
“Ooh! Yummy!”
“I take it that means I hafta share.” JC chuckled.
She stuck her tongue out at him teasingly.
“Hey! The kids’ll see…Okay, I’ll share.”
Lisa leaned forward, careful not to wake Bess.
He lifted the peach to her lips. Damn! Even the way she bit into the fruit was sexy. When a little juice escaped, he wanted to lick it from her lips instead of watching her sweep her tongue out to capture it.
“Mmm…thank you,” she said appreciatively. “Peaches are one of my favorites.”
“You realize even the way you eat turns me on…” he growled quietly.
She laughed softly. “And it isn’t even strawberries,” she taunted.
JC groaned, recalling their wedding night, feeding her chocolate covered strawberries before making love the second time. “Lisa, you don’t play fair,” he complained. “Wanna have another bite?”
“Sure.”
Anyone who had noticed JC’s interaction with the woman sitting behind him could only guess at their relationship. He had leaned back frequently to chat with her. There was an exchange of looks and smiled that could only be describe as affectionate. In one instance, they had shared a soft kiss. While eating a peach, he would take a bite then offer it to her. It all seemed very intimate for the most private of the *NSYNC members.