He’d get directions to the farm from the convenient store across the street.
The sign stating ‘Delaney Farms’ let JC knew he was at the right place. The lane was long and he spotted two houses at the top of the hill. JC saw the little girl sitting on the corral’s top rail as he pulled into the parking area between the two houses. The horses kept nuzzling her and she would giggle, professing she was out of treats.
“They don’t believe you!” he called as he got out of his car.
With a toss of her dark braids and the warm flash of innocent blue eyes, Kara Delaney smiled at the stranger. “Nope. Hi!”
Seeing as how he didn’t see Cam’s truck, he decided she hadn’t made it home from her emergency call out. He walked over to the corral. “Hello.”
“D’you ride?” she asked hopefully.
“No, I have a friend who does.”
“Darn. I wanna ride, but Mom says I can only ride with an adult rider.”
He wondered who ‘Mom’ was vaguely. “Sorry.”
“I’m a good rider. I want to be a cowboy.”
“Uh-cowgirl?”
The girl shrugged.
“What are their names?”
“The bay is Riley’s gelding Teaser. The pinto is my mare Sashay. The big Palomino stallion is Mom’s – Chance. He wins awards and gets nice stud fees.”
This kid was what? Eight or nine and was talking about stud fees?
She nailed JC with a look that was eerily familiar somehow. “I’m Kara Delaney. What’s your name?”
Delaney? Did Cam have another cousin? This couldn’t be Riley’s sister. She was an orphan, so there was no ‘Mom’.
He held out his hand to shake hers. “Josh Chasez.”
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Chasez.” She had a killer sweet smile.
“How do you do, Miss Delaney?”
Once again she gave him the once over, taking in the long hair, the rumpled outfit, and scruffy beard. “Not from here,” she pronounced.
“No, Orlando. My folks live in Chicago.”
“Mom used to live in Orlando.” The child wrinkled her nose. “I’m s‘posed to have a grandma there, but she doesn’t like my mommy.”
This was beginning to sound ominous. “Maureen Delaney?”
“Yep, that’s her.”
Cam’s child... “How old are you, Miss Delaney?”
“You can call me ‘Kara’,” she giggled at the formal address. “I’m nine – well, actually – eight and almost a half.”
He and Cameron Delaney had been lovers four months before she left Orlando...
“Where’s your dad?”
“Dunno.” She looked serious. “Mom says that I was a wonderful accident. Dad was too young and she didn’t want to ruin his life.” Then Kara’s smile was full of sunshine. “But she loves me enough for both of them.”
JC felt his gut burn. He had fathered a child and had never been told. The math worked – Kara Delaney was his daughter! Cam never bothered to tell him...The bouts of nausea he thought was nerves had been morning sickness. Her moodiness...It all fit...
But how did he feel about it?
This was the day from hell, Cameron decided as she headed back to the clinic for a quick shower and change. It was after six-thirty. She wished she had Josh’s cell number and she could have cancelled dinner. With any luck, he would have gotten tired of waiting at Nora’s and left. Seeing the note on the door, she could only hope…
Reading his brief words, panic gripped her. Oh, God, no! He couldn’t meet her at the farm! Kara…The day from hell was about to get a whole lot worse.
Cameron slammed on the brakes as she skidded her pickup to a halt near the corral. Too late. Josh had met Kara. Hopefully he hadn’t guessed her age – or sire...
“Hey, Mommy!” Kara hopped down from the rail to run to her mother. She put her slender arms around her mother’s waist. “Thought you had a date.”
Cameron met JC’s cold blue glare. He knew. “It was canceled.”
“But Grams was gonna fix me macaroni and cheese.”
Smiling down at her precious offspring, Cameron said, “Guess you’d better go make sure she makes enough for me.”
“Okay.” Kara pulled away. She gave JC a brief hug that left him speechless before she ran to the smaller of the two houses. “Bye, Mr. Chasez!”
“Bye,” JC whispered, his eyes following her until the door closed behind her. Then his eyes swung back to her mother. “Got something to tell me, Cam?” he asked coldly.
“Not a thing,” she replied calmly.
“You gonna deny that’s my kid?”
“Yes.”
“And lie?”
“I am the only parent Kara has ever known.”
“That’s because you neglected to tell me you were pregnant.”
She gave a harsh laugh. “You were still sixteen when I got pregnant. You were a couple of months from seventeen.”
“I still had the right to know.”
“So you could what? Do the ‘honorable thing’ and resent us for the rest of your life? No way in hell.”
“I loved you.”
“Like a boy loves. You would have gotten over the infatuation with your first sex partner and then be stuck with wife and child. I did you a favor, buddy.”
She had, even JC had to grudgingly concede the fact.
“What am I suppose to do now?”
“Simple.” Cameron took his arm and lead him none too gently to his car. She flung open the door. “Get in and drive away. Forget Draperville, Illinois even exists.”
“Just like that,” he jeered.
“Just like that. Permanent amnesia. Wipe out every memory from the time your hit Brody until you hit Chicago city limits.”
“And you want nothing from me?”
“That’s what this is about? The JC Chasez? If I were willing to trot Kara out for the world to see, I would have done it when you hit it big and you couldn’t turn on radio or TV without hearing or seeing *NSYNC. I have no intention of asking you for anything now or ever. All I want is for you to leave.” Liar. She wanted him to stay – but to stay out of love, not obligation.
“Whom did you put as father on her birth certificate?” he whispered.
Another lie to spare him. “Unknown.”
JC got in his car and tore away in a shower of gravel and dirt.
“Joshua Scott Chasez,” Cameron murmured to the retreating cloud of dust. Her heart went with him. Once again, she had chosen a lie to protect the most decent guy she had ever known.
A father…Shit…He was a father…his child was eight…His daughter was eight. JC was having a tough time wrapping his head around the idea. His emotions were pulling him in all directions. Shock. Anger. Pride. Dismay. Happiness…How could Cam have kept this from him? She certainly had to have known before she left Orlando. She had never told him – had never intended to tell him. He’d had a right to know dammit!...He had a beautiful, sweet daughter. Kara had his hair and her mother’s big, cornflower blue eyes…What in the hell was he going to do now? He didn’t know how to be a father – and Cam clearly wanted him to stay away…He had a daughter…
He had a daughter…
The drive back to Chicago had done little to calm him. If anything, his heart was even more tangled and conflicted. Without even making a conscious decision, he headed for his parents house.
“Josh! What a surprise!” Karen Chasez opened the door to her eldest son.
“Hi, Mom.”
Immediately, she picked up on his troubled demeanor. “Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know…Is Dad around? I need to talk to you guys.”
“In the living room.”
The two made their way to the living room where Roy Chasez relaxed in his favorite chair.
“Roy, look who’s here,” Karen announced.
Looking up to see JC, his father smiled broadly in greeting. “Josh! Good to see you.”
“Hey, Dad.”
“Josh has something he needs to discuss,” Karen said. She sat on the sofa and waited patiently.
With a sigh, JC sat beside her. “I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how it happened…Well, I know how it happened…”
“Take a deep breath, son,” Roy suggested.
JC inhaled then exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself. “You’re grandparents,” he blurted. “Geeze…”
“Maybe if you started at the beginning,” Karen said. Both she and her husband attempted to hide their shock at his pronouncement.
“You know I’ve been coming to Chicago to see someone.”
His parents nodded in unison.
“It’s Cam.”
“The girl who lived across the hall in Orlando? Karen questioned. “The one with the dreadful mother?”
“Yeah. She grew up about an hour from here, this little town. She came back here when she left Orlando. She’s a vet now, lives on a farm.”
“She always did hate the city,” Roy recalled.
“I met her by accident. She still blew me away. I wanted to know if we still had something…”
“Evidently you do if she is already pregnant,” Karen stated.
“No…Kara is eight.”
An uncomfortable silence hung in the air as minutes ticked by. Finally, JC spoke again. “Cam was pregnant when she left Orlando.”
“I knew,” Roy confessed.
“You knew?” JC demanded. “How did you know when I didn’t?”
“Maureen Delaney came to the door late one night. She was drunk. She told me.”
“And you never told me?” The edge of anger in JC’s voice was unmistakable.
“Cam asked me not to.”
“She was pregnant with my baby and you didn’t tell me, because she asked you not to?” Unable to remain sitting any longer, JC jerked to his feet. “How could you not tell me?
“I-I didn’t know it was yours. I didn’t think you—“
“We’d been lovers for months.”
“I suspected as much,” Karen murmured.
“I can’t believe it. You hid it from me,” JC accused his father.
“I didn’t know it was yours. You’d just turned seventeen—“
“I was sixteen when Cam and I…” JC broke off. “I should have been told.”
“She said she didn’t want you to know.”
“Now, I guess we know why,” JC sneered. Without a good-bye, he left the house, slamming the door behind him.
Was there no end to the betrayal? First Cam, then his own father. Damn!
JC went to his hotel room. He lay on the bed staring at the ceiling, trying to sort through his emotions and options. And eight year old daughter…how was he supposed to feel? He didn’t love her; he didn’t know her. Kara seemed to be a nice enough kid. He saw a lot of Cam in her, despite looking more like a Chasez. Cam didn’t want him around – she’d made that obvious enough. But didn’t he deserve to know his daughter – and vice versa? What relationship could he have with her? Would she accept him as her father? Did he want to play Daddy to a child he’d rarely see? How could he ever hope to have any kind of relationship with Cam after her duplicity? He had wanted to love her again but now…
He rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. Why in the hell hadn’t she just told him nine years ago? Then he wouldn’t be so angry and confused now!
A quiet voice reminded him that becoming a father at seventeen would have changed his life so radically from what it now was, he probably wouldn’t be able to recognize himself. There would have been no *NSYNC for him. No way would he have been able to leave Cam and his child for months on end. He wouldn’t have even been chosen – he wouldn’t have fit the image. Cam, as she had pointed out, had done him a favor in that respect.
Now he had some difficult choices to make. He could forget Kara existed. He could send payments to assuage his guilt but have nothing to do with the child. He could become like the rich uncle who visited rarely but always sent lavish gifts on special occasions. Or he could be a father – which would take time and effort on his part – and agreement on Cam’s.
Cam…Oh, God, he’d wanted so to be with her again. This revelation changed everything. They were almost adversarial now.
Pounding the pillow did little to relieve the aggression that boiled within him. He needed to talk to someone. His parents and Cam were the first people he would have turned to. They were his betrayers. He would have to do this alone…
Even after a night’s sleep, JC couldn’t sort through the tangle of his emotions. He needed someone to bounce his thoughts off of, play devil’s advocate. He punched in a number on his cellphone.
“Richard, it’s JC. I know it’s Saturday, but I could really use some advice…No, personal…Coffee. In an hour?…” He told the man which hotel. “Thanks, dude.”
JC was shredding a napkin when Richard Marx came to the booth in the restaurant. The older man had been one of JC’s early musical heroes. Working with Richard had made him JC’s mentor of sorts.
“That bad?” Richard asked as he slid into the booth across from the sullen younger man.
“Worse. The worst,” JC stated grimly.
“I doubt that. You’re still breathing.”
“Let’s say it’s life altering.”
“That woman you were seeing? Cam was it?”
JC nodded. “It has to do with her, yeah.”
At that moment, the waiter came for their order.
“Black coffee,” Richard told him.
“Make that two.”
When the waiter moved away, Richard said, “Want to start with why this life altering thing concerning Cam is the worst?”
“Because she lied to me – and she made my father part of the lie.”
“She lied? How did your father get involved?”
“It was when we were kids, teens.”
“An old lie?”
“I guess it’s not really a lie. She didn’t tell me something really important – and asked my father not to tell me either.”
The coffee was set before them, then they were left to their conversation.
“I guess I need to start at the beginning,” JC sighed.
“Might help me follow.”
Taking a sip of the bitter liquid, JC gathered his thoughts. “When I was sixteen, Cam was my first. I loved her so much it was almost like worship. Cam had it rough in Orlando. She was a farm girl and her mother was a first rate bitch. She even broke Cam’s arm once.”
“Not very motherly,” Richard remarked.
“Maureen didn’t have a maternal bone in her entire body. Cam’s grandmother raised her until she was fifteen. Maureen had her from fifteen until she was eighteen and returned to Illinois.”
“So Cam had it rough and you were lovers…”
“Just before I turned seventeen, Cam got pregnant. Thing is, I just found out about it yesterday.”
“Did she have an abortion or give it up?”
“No, she kept out daughter – and never told me or the child about each other.”
“Ouch,” Richard muttered.
“I went to tell my parents. Dad knew Cam had been pregnant. He didn’t think it was mine; so when she asked him not to tell me, he didn’t. Kara is eight and almost a half.” JC smiled at using Kara’s own words. “She’s got long dark hair and big blue eyes and a killer smile.
“What does Cam say?”
“She said she left without telling me to save me from doing the ‘honorable’ thing.”
“That was a very brave thing for her to do. You know damn well you wouldn’t be where you are if you’d become a father at seventeen.”
“Yeah, I guess…”
“What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. Cam wants me to just stay away. She says she wants nothing from me.” JC shrugged. “I can give financial support…”
“Or you could be Kara’s father,” Richard suggested quietly.
“I don’t know how to be a father.”
“You learn along the way, believe me.”
“I’d have to come to terms with Cam. She was pretty adamant, told me to get amnesia. I get the feeling she doesn’t want me near Kara.”
“Do you know why?”
“No, unless she’s afraid I’d take her away.”
“Would you?”
JC shook his head. “The kind of life I have is no life for a kid.”
“Maybe that’s what Cam is afraid of, your celebrity.”
“She did say our lives were worlds apart.”
“So maybe she has some valid concerns.”
“I guess…”
“But you have to decide what you want to be to the girl. An unseen benefactor, a father, or nothing.”
“She hugged me when she was leaving…I felt all soft inside. I’ve never felt that before. She wants to be a cowboy and ride horses.” JC’s voice held a hint of awe.
“Sounds like there’s your answer.”
“How do I get passed Cam’s and Dad’s betrayal?”
“We all make mistakes, JC. It seems they were doing what they believed was in your best interest. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should have been told and made your own decision then, but that’s water under the bridge. Do you want to hold on to all that anger?”
“I’ve always been so tight with my parents…”
“So, forgive your father. He didn’t know the baby was yours.”
“Cam did.”
“She was a teenager, too, JC. And if she would have trotted the girl out once you hit it big, how would you have felt?”
“Like she was an opportunist, using Kara.”
“As it was, you were falling in love with the adult version of the Cam you had known. There was something still between you.”
What did he feel now? JC wondered. He had been head over heels for the adult Cam, no matter how she resisted him.
“A secret like that gets more difficult to reveal the longer it is kept,” Richard added.
“I would have been what – thirty-five or forty and this girl appears out of nowhere and calls me ‘Dad’?…”
“Only you know in your heart what you want to do, JC. Shut out every other voice and just listen.”
The two men talked for some time, but Richard’s parting words stuck with JC long after the man had gone.
“Parenthood is the scariest, most difficult and most rewarding thing you’ll ever do. Being a ‘Dad’ is awesome.”
Later that day, JC had come to a decision. He first went to his parents. He apologized for his behavior the previous evening. They chatted for a long while, healing the rift. Next he called his lawyer. He wanted to know his rights and options. The third thing he did was place a call to Cam’s house.
I’ll get it!” Kara called as the phone rang. “Hello, Delaney residence.”
“Kara?” JC felt his chest tighten at the sound of the child’s voice, his child... “It’s Josh Chasez.”
“Hi, Mr. Chasez!”
“What have you been up to?”
“Hmm...I got to sing by myself in Church.”
“A solo?”
“Yeah, that’s it. A solo. It made Mom cry, but she said it was happy tears. I’m not sure though. She looked sad. I must look like my dad. Maybe I sound like him.”
“I’m sure your mom was happy.” He wondered if his child did sound like him, but then Cam had always had a lovely voice. “Speaking of mom...is she around?”
“Uh-huh. She’s doing laundry. She says she didn’t think little girls were supposed to be so dirty, but I help clean out stalls and Riley and I had a straw fight and we both fell in a mud puddle and we laughed. It was fun.” Kara lowered her voice to a stage whisper. “Riley got a boyfriend. He is the guy that delivers hay and grain. They make goo-goo eyes at each other.”
Cameron heard the last part of her daughter’s conversation. She had thought Kara was talking to Gram or Riley up to that point. “Who is it, Kara?”
“Mr. Chasez.”
Dread clutched at her chest.
“Mom’s here. Bye, Mr. Chasez.” Kara handed over the receiver.
“This is a surprise.” Cam said to the man on the other end of the connection.
“I know I behaved badly, Cam. I was just so shocked...”
“I never meant for you to know...I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“But we were seeing each other again.”
“Only while you were in Chicago.”
“Sweetheart, I came back to Chicago to see you,” he confessed.
“Oh...”
“I was never going to know?”
“Maybe when Kara was older, if she wanted to know her birth father... I hadn’t put a lot of thought into it.”
“You’re gonna have to now.”
“Josh...”
“We need to talk, Cam. I have to do something...”
“I never asked for a thing.”
“I know. I know. But I have a child...”
“You were still seventeen when Kara was born – a child yourself. I never held you responsible.”
“You should have, Cam.”
“Joshua, I meant what I said. I had never intended to ask you for a thing. I never expected...”
“We need to talk. When is a good time?”
“Umm...twenty years from now?”
“I’ll accept 20 minutes, 20 hours – 20 days would be a stretch, but that’s as long as I’ll wait.”
“I have the afternoon off on Wednesday”
Two days, JC thought, so she wasn’t avoiding him. “Name the place.”
“Rosita’s in DeKalb?”
Neutral territory...”Time?”
“I could be there by 1:30. Late lunch?”
“You got yourself a date, lady.”
“No. I have an appointment.”
“See you on Wednesday – and just in case you think of blowing me off, baby. Don’t. I’ll be your worst nightmare,” JC warned her.
“Joshua, you already are.” She replaced the receiver quietly.
Kara wandered back in and noticed her mother’s tense demeanor. “Was he mean?” she demanded.
“Wha?...huh?...”
“Mr. Chasez. Was he mean?”
“Oh, no, sweetie. Josh isn’t mean.” Cam supposed she should lay the groundwork for her daughter’s acceptance of the man who sired her.
“He upset you.”
“He didn’t mean to. I just didn’t expect him to call.”
Kara observed her mother, as if trying to read her face.
“Honestly, Kara. You seemed to like him.”
“He was nice.”
“He was my friend when I was a little younger than Riley. He was a very dear friend.”
“Will he be my friend too?”
“I’m sure he will.”
JC sat in a booth at Rosita’s waiting for Cam. She was twenty minutes late and his patience was fading fast. When she had readily offered up a Wednesday meeting, he hadn’t expected her to be a no-show. He didn’t want to battle over Kara. He didn’t want things getting ugly…
Cameron spotted JC the minutes she arrived. He looked irritated. “Josh!” she called as she moved towards him.
He looked up. She looked rumpled and harassed.
“I’m sorry. We were patching up Brody again,” she told him as she slid into the seat across from him.
“Damn. How bad this time?”
“Very bad. John doesn’t think he’ll pull through this time.”
“That’s a hard lesson for Tommy to learn.”
“I’m afraid it is the only way for him to learn it though.” She flipped the menu open. “Have you decided what you want?”
“You’re the expert.”
“I usually come here with Riley. She and I usually end up sharing a large combination…”
“Sounds good to me.”
Cameron touched his hand. “I am sorry, Josh. If I would’ve had your cell number, I would have called.”
“Guess I should give you all my numbers and addresses now.” He left out the ‘for Kara’ but it was understood.
“I suppose so.”
The waitress was an exotic dark beauty with luminous brown eyes and long lustrous black hair. You could almost miss the nametag ‘Consuelo’ on her ample chest. Her eyes immediately latched onto the attractive male customer. “And what would you like?” she asked in a sultry voice.
JC felt Cam bristle without glancing at her. “We’ll share a large combination platter.” He looked to Cam. “What would you like to drink?”
“Coke,” Cameron murmured.
“And two Cokes. Anything else, Cam?”
“No thank you.”
“That’s it then.”
With swaying hips the waitress moved away.
“Hussy,” Cameron muttered.
“A little obvious.” JC said, “I don’t think you’ve ever ordered anything but coffee and tea since we met again.”
“I would love to drink soft drinks, but I don’t want Kara getting into to the habit. I don’t keep it in the house and I don’t drink it in front of her except at MacDonald’s. Riley is an absolute Pepsi fiend. I want Kara to make better choices. I keep juice and milk and—“
“Whoa, Cam!” JC ended her prattle. “I have already guessed you’re a great mom,” he told her softly.
”Oh…”
“Sweetheart, this isn’t about me trusting you to do a great job with Kara. I know you are. This is about me wanting to be part of her life.”
A drink was placed in front of JC gently and another was plunked down in front of Cameron.
“You give that little bitch a tip and I’ll strangle you,” Cameron hissed.
JC laughed. “I’m not your boyfriend.”
“If she wants to make a play for a patron, she should slip him her number with the check.” She was wounded by his acceptance of the waitress’ rude behavior towards her – though she had no claim on him at all.
He saw the little hurt on her face, shoving away any compassion he might feel. They couldn’t be lovers, as he had once planned, not with the recent revelations. Something about her betrayal had seemingly faded his libido where Cam was concerned. She was beautiful. She was everything a guy could want, but they couldn’t be lovers. They were parents. “About Kara—“
“Excuse me. The hussy is coming back.” Cameron rose. “I’ll go to the ladies’ room so you can make a date.” With that she walked away.
“Cam!” JC called after her. “Dammit…”
How childish could she be? Cameron wondered as she repaired her lipstick and ran a brush through her hair. Josh was not her boyfriend. She had no claim on him. He had been the sperm donor for her child, nothing more. He would never be more. Once she had herself well in hand, she returned to the booth.
“Cammi…” JC began to apologize.
“Let’s just eat and came what we came here to do,” she stated calmly.
They ate like polite business associates and discussed various points of JC’s newly found fatherhood.
“My lawyer said to get blood tests done before making any provisions—“
“If you have any doubts—“
He held up his hand. “I don’t. You know I hate needles.”
“Kara inherited that particular fear from you. Inoculations came with some loud protests and lots of tears.”
“Poor kid. Anyway, I told him there was no doubt in my mind that Kara was my child. I’ll need a copy of her birth certificate and her full name. I want to do this right. You’ll receive monthly child support payments—“
“Josh, I don’t want anything from you.”
“Cam, I need to help.”
“Don’t you mean ‘pay’ for your ‘mistake’?”
“No, I don’t. I was brought up to believe a man provides for his family.”
“I am not family.”
“Kara is.”
“I feel like we are negotiating a divorce settlement,” she sighed wearily. “Josh, if you want to do something, put money in a trust fund or something for Kara’s education and future. Day to day expenses are covered.”
“You sure, Cam?”
“Very.”
“If you ever need help, please, let me know, okay? Don’t ever go without because of pride. Promise me.”
“Josh—“
“Promise.”
“I promise I’ll let you know if Kara needs something I can’t cover.”
Well, he guessed that was all the concession he could hope for. “Visitation.” His word hung heavily in the air for a long moment.
“Kara herself gave me the solution there,” Cameron stated.
“How so?”
“She asked me who you were. I said you had been my friend at one time. She asked if you would be her friend, too. I told her you probably would. Your presence could be explained by the renewal of our friendship at first.”
“I do want us to be friends, Cam, if only for Kara’s sake. How long do I have to be her friend?”
“Forever.” Cameron smiled wistfully. “I’d like to think she believes I am her friend.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Until she is comfortable with you. I suppose that depends on how often you visit.”
“That’ll take some juggling.” It was JC’s turn to sigh. Just what he didn’t need. More complications. “I appreciate your cooperation, Cam.”
Her expression was grim. “It wasn’t as if I was given any choice, was it?”
When JC paid the bill, he met eyes with Consuelo. “Here’s your tip.” He leaned close. “When a man is with a woman he usually isn’t fair game.” As the waitress fumed, he took Cameron’s arm and left the restaurant.